I saw Whip It over the weekend, it was kinda cute in a “christ this is so hipster” way. But that’s not really important to the story.
I heard a song in it. I liked it, and it sounded familiar. Couldn’t quite put my finger on it, didn’t really concern me. Drove home, completely forgot about it. Went to sleep. Horrible fucking dreams about what’s going on in my life. I wake up in cold sweat. What the fuck spurred that? I dwell on my dreams, it’s what I do. A lot of them have some sort of well thought-out basis in real life. Well, what do these ones mean? Nothing, they’re just my brain trying to keep me afloat of my current situation. Okay, I can do that.
Then it continues for 3 fucking days to the point where I’m scared to sleep. I love sleeping, usually, it is one of my pastimes. All of my dreams recently have been really…emotional mean-spirited I guess is the phrase. I seriously considered staying up all last night and then remember “Oh yeah, I’m employed.” So I fall asleep, and I guess my brain decided to give me a day off. Instead, I wake up humming this song. Not this shit again. Where is this FROM? By this time, I have completely forgotten the movie association. So I’m humming this song all day, and the first bars are stuck in my head. While distracting me from the fear of falling asleep and having to deal with my brain’s attempt to drive me insane, this is only slightly better.
It stays with me the whole fucking day through work as I work with viruses and people and people with viruses. Maybe they’re dwelling on something this hard as well. I make it out today after 3 cloves and a long iPod break. I get home, and still, humming. I try looking it up, and quickly realize you can’t HUM ONTO THE INTERNET. So I ask Johnny Dagger. “Hey, have you heard ::random mouth noises::?” He responds with the same noises for clarification. 5 minutes later on Youtube, I have my answer.
It’s THAT fucking song. The song from the movie. But it’s from more than just that. Where else have I heard this? God, this is going to kill me. I listen to it a few more times and close my eyes. That did it. I remember now. And now I really wish I hadn’t. That night was really nice. So nice, it’s the same time period my brain keeps making me relive this week. Over and over. All of this slow mental torture. Every time I get depressed, my brain decides to give me glimmers of happiness when I sleep only to rapture me out of them quickly enough to give me emotional whiplash.
Everything is connected. Unrelated song lyrics to follow:
“Guys are drooling over you
Sampling your soul
You could be the chosen one
But what if
Everything they say is wrong
And you
Die some
Everlasting teenage recoil
Fall in love with anything
Come undone
With hearts unbroken
And wish upon a lucky star
Sometimes you feel so skinny
It’s like you don’t even exist
Lolita never been kissed
You gotta feel what can be felt
Touch what can be touched
Do what can be done
But don’t
Die Young
Against all odds again
You got zip to lose…”
