So I think it was today that I realized that I take a lot of my behavior from things I’ve lost.
Case in point: when I went through my only major breakup, like most post-breakup behavior, I started overanalyzing things I took for granted. She tried to get me into a lot of music she liked, and I was fairly receptive, but I never quite got around to it unless she reminded me constantly. So, after the breakup, I took to these artists like flies to honey. I went on a Radiohead and Rasputina binge for what was likely 3 weeks. I’m sure it did wonders for my depression at the time. When we stopped talking, I started watching shit tons of Doctor Who, and actually finished the series before she did.
My next breakup wasn’t so bad, so I really don’t think that I took anything from that. But it wasn’t just from breakups, it could be anything from losing a friend to losing a possession. When I quit playing MMO’s, I got into more sci-fi. I binge watched Farscape, 88 hours of that show in a month.
My latest “whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-it” hit me pretty hard as it was the only connection I’ve made in the past year or two. I took up cloves this time around. I find it interesting that any given person’s personality is basically an amalgamation of shared experiences and heredity. Mine seems to lean heavily on characteristics recreated from observation, but that’s another entry.
Other interesting things happened recently. I went to go pick up my pizza from Domino’s the other night, and the guy gave me a slightly skeptical look when I paid for my order. He then proceeded to tell me who I was, who I worked with, and that I was shopping for a sedan and that my apartment was recently broken into. As you can imagine, I was taken aback by this. Who was this man, and how did he know my life so well? It turns out he was in the store yesterday, talking with one of my coworkers while I was discussing previous mentioned issues. I didn’t notice him AT ALL, but he had memorized all of my little life quips in a matter of minutes. …Is my life that interesting? I’m not upset over it, rather intrigued.
Now, so I can be consistant, song lyrics:
“You can’t pretend cause I can see
You’re not the girl you used to be
Trust me with a secret you can’t keep
I watch your eyes they shift with doubt
So every night when stars come out
I try to read your personality
The writing for pleasure you wouldn’t let me read
The things you miss out when you try to mislead
You said you wrote a page about me
In your diary
Your heart a place that noone sees
You can’t disguise your own unease
Trust me with a secret you can’t keep
The writing for pleasure you wouldn’t let me read
The things you miss out when you try to mislead
You said you wrote a page about me
In your diary
Don’t you be afraid
Theres bound to be a place
No matter who or where you are
You’ve got to be willing
Don’t be so afraid
You’re bound to make mistakes
No matter who or where you are
You’ve got to be willing…”
